Wednesday, 5 June 2013

IWSG June - When insecurities lead to regrets


Alex J. Cavanaugh assisted this month by Sheena-Kay GrahamLaura Eno and yours truly!

This month I'm not insecure about my writing, but I am regretful of some of my past insecurities that may have prevented me from sharing some happy experiences.

Loss, and adjustment to loss, is hard but it is something we all have to deal with at some stage in our lives.  In some respects life can never be the same again and you grieve, not only for the person who is no longer with you, but for all the things they will never be able to share with you. So I want to dedicate my post today to my dear mum, who died in January this year. Mum had a serious stroke 9 years earlier which left her unable to walk or use her right arm but, even worse, unable to speak more than an odd word. As I only began writing seriously 5 years ago it wasn't something I ever got the chance to share with her. She never got the opportunity to read anything I'd written and, even though I told her about some of the things I was doing, I'm not sure she understood. It would have been her 74th birthday tomorrow, maybe somehow, somewhere she will know I am thinking about her and that I am, dare I admit it, a writer!

I know this isn't a usual topic for IWSG and I hope you don't mind me sharing this with you. Writer's can be a secretive bunch of folks, often keeping their passion to write from others. Writing has always been something I loved and even as a young child I remember thinking 'I'm going to write a book one day,' but I NEVER told anyone about it, I had too many insecurities and fears! One regret I have is that Mum never knew about something that is such a huge part of my life.


82 comments:

  1. You're so right, usually there's nothing stopping us from doing these things apart from our own - often irrational - fear. Life needs to be embraced, in fact it needs a great big bear hug! I prefer to think your mum understood every word you were saying, she just couldn't acknowledge it. This is a lovely post in her honour.

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    1. Thanks, Annalisa it did feel comforting to write it for her.

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  2. What a lovely post. It does make you think that our insecurities really do hold us back at times and we may just regret them later on down the line.

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    1. Thank you I appreciate your thoughts today.

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  3. People who influence our lives are exactly a good topic for IWSG.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ne3cz9eUsQ

    .....dhole

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  4. This is a great ISWG post. People don't realise just how much insecurities can hold us back. If you never try, you'll never succeed.

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  5. I know how you feel. My mom died 2-and-a-half years ago. Although she knew I wanted to write, I don't think she took it seriously, and I had achieved no success back then. Because of a strained relationship, it would give me great pleasure if she'd see me finally be successful at something. But that will never happen, and I have to accept it.

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    1. Acceptance is part of the grieving process isn't it? Thanks for sharing, Lexa.

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  6. It's a really moving IWSG post. I'm sorry you couldn't share writing with your mother while she was alive, but she knows know.
    Thanks for co-hosting today, Suzanne.

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    1. Thank you, Alex I like to think she knows. I have enjoyed helping and I now have even more respect for your amazing ninja tactics!

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  7. Wow, this strikes really close to home for me. I've never felt a huge need to share my writing obsession with others, and insecurity is a big reason for that. You've given me something to think about! It would be sad for the people I care about to miss out on such a large part of what I am.
    Thanks for hosting IWSG today!
    (And I love purple too, although I try to avoid it in my prose. ;) )

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    1. I am glad my post has helped you consider these things. Thanks for visiting.

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  8. Thanks for sharing a real part of yourself. These are the things that make us who we are.
    ~Just Jill

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  9. I am sorry for your loss and I am sure it is okay to share your feelings here at IWSG.

    Your writing is a perfect way to release and share your inner feelings, your mum would certainly be proud.

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    1. Thank you Carolyn, I hope she would be pleased.

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  10. Yeah we never realize until they pass how much they really give us gas, whoops, hold us back haha

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    1. We often don't Pat. Thanks for your witty words :)

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  11. Wow! This post is sort of sad and sort of beautiful at the same time.
    Having those regrets just means that you loved someone properly.

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    1. That's sweet of you, Helen. Thank you x

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  12. I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember the waves of grief I felt at the oddest times for almost a full year after my dad passed away. It comes and goes, and yes, forever alters us.

    Thanks for sharing your heart.

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    1. It comes in waves doesn't it? Thank you Julie, as always the blogging community is a source of comfort and wisdom.

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  13. What a beautiful, heart-felt post. I've always been plagued with insecurities about sharing that I'm a writer. My mom is in a nursing home now. Though she's always known I write, I've always thought she felt it was a little silly. One day I told her SHE should write a book because of some of her tales. I was surprised one day when I heard her say, "My daughter said I should write a book because it would be a best seller!" Go figure. Maybe she had a few insecurities too, until I encouraged her.

    I loved your post and thanks for sharing your sweet heart.

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    1. We all have them I guess. Thanks for your visit today and kind words I appreciate it.

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  14. I think your post is perfect for the group. Your mom look like a wonderful person - what a loss!

    I feel for you, never getting to tell her about your writing. But whose to say she doesn't know? ;)

    Thanks for co-hosting.
    IWSG# 123, until Alex culls the list again. :)

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    1. I like to think she does, Melissa. Thank you for your kind words today.

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  15. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting this. It's a reminder to appreciate the loved ones I have in my life.

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  16. I'm glad you shared this, Suzanne. I just returned from my beloved aunt's funeral in Manitoba. I was fortunate that she was able to read both my novels. She often said how proud she was. Broke my heart to lose her.

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    1. Sorry for your loss, Joylene. It is always hard to lose someone we care about. Take care x

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  17. Thanks for sharing this. Maybe it will help others feel okay to share with their own loved ones. Perfect IWSG post.

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  18. I bet she realized and was really proud of you!
    Thanks for sharing and for being a co-host!

    Mary Montague Sikes

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    1. Thanks Mary and welcome to my blog. Co-hosting has been fun if a little manic! More respect to Alex for all he manages to do on a regular basis.

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  19. Thank you for sharing. I hid my writing from a lot of people early on. Even know, my colleagues at work don't know I write, but I eventually had to tell my family. I felt like they'd laugh at me and not take me seriously because writing isn't something that earns a lot of money (my brother is still upset that I'd rather write than make lots of money). Sharing something so personal can be very trying, so thank you.

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    1. I think it is fear of being ridiculed that sometimes prevents us. I haven't shared my writing with work colleagues either yet!

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    1. I like to think so, thanks for visiting.

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  21. Suzanne, I can sympathize with your situation. My writing was inspired by my grandmother, unfortunately she died a few weeks before my first story was published. My one regret is I could never share it with her.

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    1. That is sad, I know how you feel, but I'm sure she was very proud of you.

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  22. I agree with Nicki; she knows now. Telling others (especially those we most respect) that we're writing is difficult. It shouldn't be, but it is.
    Thanks for co-hosting!

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    1. Thank you, today has been a comfort to me.

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  23. Your post struck home with me...I've never let my parents read anything I've ever written though, fortunately, they're both still with me.

    I should probably rectify that, sometime.

    Thank you for sharing.

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    1. I hope you share with them, Mark. I'm sure they will be proud of you.

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  24. I'm sorry for your loss.

    This is a fantastic post. It made me realize that there are some things I should probably change while I can.

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    1. Thank you, Jai. I appreciate everyone's comments today.

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  25. I echo Jai- a fantastc, heartfelt post. Thank you for being willing to share such a deeply personal issue with us. And thank you fo co-hosting today.

    I personally believe that your mum knows about your writing and perhaps even can know your words simply by you thinking of her when you write. Those we love never really leave us so long as we carry them in our hearts and because your mum is such an integral part of who you are she is in your writing whether you shared it with her or not.

    I have been making more of an effort to share more of my writing with my parents over the years. I know my mom really wants to see me publish a book before she goes. I don't really allow myself to think on that level, but it's true that you never really know how much time you have with someone. Make me want to read them more...

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    1. Oh Beverly that is a lovely thing to say and I hope you are right about my mum knowing. Share with your parents while you can. I know they are proud of you.

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  26. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I learned a thing or two from it!

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    1. I'm glad you found something helpful in my post today.

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  27. *hugs* My mother died when I was 14. It was only yesterday when my cousin (daugher of mom's only sister) said she thought both my nother and my aunt would have loved my book that I thought about it myself. It was quite an emotional moment.

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    1. I'm sure it was, Donna. It must have been so hard losing your mum at an early age. My father died when I was only 15 so I sympathise entirely.

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  28. You write that book, Suzanne. You'll be so glad you did, and Mum will be smiling with you every step of the way!

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    1. Thank you, I intend to hold my very own book one day.

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  29. Thanks for sharing your story, and for co-hosting! :) My family know that I write, but it was my Grandad who once wanted to be a published writer, and he died when I was 12 so he never got to read any of my novels. I'd like to think he'd be proud, though!

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    1. I'sure he would be very proud of all you have achieved, Emma.

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  30. Wow, I couldn't believe it when I started to read your post here. My father passed in February of this year and that event has impacted me sorely. I've been able to write, but am much too aware of the hole he left. I am so grateful that he was actually able to read one of my novels before he left. Also, I just wrote on another blog, that right now I'm not feeling insecure about my writing, which of course is very unusual! So, I am enjoying it as much as I can, for however long this anomaly lasts! Thanks for sharing, and for co-hosting! BTW, I've always wanted to write also...

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    1. Hi Lisa, seems like we have much in common. I am sorry you lost your father recently too. It is hard to describe how it makes you feel sometimes, isn't it? Take care of yourself and keep on writing :)

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  31. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your mother would have been very proud of you. :)
    Thanks for cohosting this month! And for sharing.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Rachel. It has been an honour to help out this month.

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  32. So sorry, Suzanne. Your mom radiated a joyful spirit. May loving memories provide you with comfort.

    Thank you for sharing and for co-hosting.
    xoRobyn

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  33. You never know when sharing a regret can help open someone else's eyes to this becoming their regret. Kudos to you for putting it out there!

    And thank you for welcoming me to IWSG!

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    1. Thank you Sabrina. I hope it might help others in a small way

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  34. Hi, Suzanne,
    I understand to an extent, since my mother died before I was published.

    I used to write in school and would share my stories, but until I was published, I didn't really tell many people about all the writing I was doing.

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    1. It seems to be the case with a lot of writers - insecurities rising again I guess. Thanks for your kind words.

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  35. New Follower. Sorry about your mom but I'm glad you're still writing. This was a great topic and it made a follower after reading your blog for the first time.

    Blog: Queendsheena
    IWSG Co-host

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    1. Thank you so much Sheena-Kay. Welcome to my blog :)

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  36. Hi, Suzanne,

    What a lovely tribute to your mother. Her pic says so much to me. What a sad ending to such a kind and happy spirit. She is with you now and feels your happiness for writing. Mom's always know their children's strengths, weaknesses, and passions. She knew.

    Thanks for sharing her warm smile with us.

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    1. Thank you, Michael I like to think she knows and is watching, cheering me on!

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  37. I'm of the belief that once someone we loves passes away, \ they instantly know about everything important in our lives. I'm sure she's beaming that you're following your dream of being a writer. Sorry for your loss. Know that she's there supporting you now, although she couldn't before. Writer’s Mark

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    1. Thank you, I really appreciate your thoughts.

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  38. I'm so sorry you lost your mom. You know what? I'll bet she had a small inkling that you had stories inside you, even if you didn't tell her. My dad had a stroke when I was 14, and I can relate. It's not easy for the parent or the family.

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    1. Thank you, Julie. Strokes can be cruel and painful for the whole family.

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  39. So hard to lose our moms. I'm slowly losing mine and I know the pain. Sorry you didn't share your passion to write with her, but I'll bet she knows.

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  40. Beautiful post. I'm with Lynn, I believe she knows. Loss is hard, and I'm sorry for yours. Dedicating your book to your mom might lessen it?
    Thanks for stopping by yesterday and encouraging me. Much appreciated.
    Tina @ Life is Good

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  41. This is a wonderful tribute.
    And you know what? I think she DOES know... and she's probably known for a while... (one of those things beyond our human comprehension)
    Thanks for co-hosting the IWSG.
    Writer In Transit

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  42. Dear Suzanne,

    A most heartfelt, thoughtful posting. To echo your other friends here, I'm sure she has a sense of your endeavours and she's proud of her daughter.

    Through the sadness, comes poignant moments and inspiration.

    In peace and goodwill,

    Gary

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